I read fairy tales when I was little.  Even though my mother was a first generation women’s libber, I bought the idea that men were braver, stronger, and more capable than women.  I knew I was weak and I thought a man would solve things. 

I found such a man and married him.  He told me what to do, what to think, and how to act. He just about killed me.  After 20 years with him, I realized I had to take care of myself.  I wouldn’t be able to do things perfectly, I would still lose my keys and be late for meetings,--- just a few of the things he was constantly scolding me about --- but I would be “OK.”  I had to learn the same lesson with my doctors.

I thought I would find a doctor who would be my savior, my proverbial “knight in shining armor.” He would be strong, intelligent, and attentive.  I imagined a doctor who would listen carefully and compassionately. Who would give me a quick, accurate diagnosis, and follow up with an effective treatment program. I was angry, depressed, and disillusioned when I found out that the fairy-tale hero isn’t real. 

Instead, I found that doctors come in all shapes, sizes, personalities, and approaches; just like the rest of us.  And hey, some are women! Some are as arrogant as Zeus and won’t bother to engage you in a conversation.  Some will be baffled by your symptoms and give you a variation of the old adage, “Take two aspirin and please don’t call me in the morning.”  If you’re really lucky, though, you may run into one or two who will team with you, and your other care-givers, to properly treat the whole you; someone who will take more than the allotted 90 seconds and actually talk to you.

My search started with my general practitioner (GP) who sent me to an orthopedic surgeon for my shoulder and knee pain.  Since the surgeon did surgery, he operated on my knee and performed arthroscopic surgery on my shoulder.  The operations were painful and debilitating and had no positive effect.  I also saw an allergist, an M.D. who focused on supplements, and a sports rehabilitation doctor, all before I ended up with the neurologist and diagnosis of fibromyalgia.

Even after the diagnosis, I saw another neurologist, two rheumatologists, a rehabilitation MD, and a psychiatrist before settling on a team of my original GP and a psychiatrist for my ongoing treatment.  Whatever their approach, though, I found that I could walk away from each of the doctors with something valuable for my tool kit.

I recommend that you try as many traditional and alternative health care providers as time, money, and energy allow.  Pack your bag with ideas from each of them and keep trying new approaches, and new doctors, until you’ve got a good team.

One more thought, don't expect your MD to provide emotional support. That's not what they are trained to do and given our current health care system, there's no way they have the time, even if they had the inclination. You've got to have emotional support to live well with fibromyalgia, just look for it in other places.

Resources

 American Medical Association Doctor Finder

http://webapps.ama-assn.org/doctorfinder/home.html?aps/amahg.htm

 Rheumatology Link List

http://cmbi.bjmu.edu.cn/medweb/medmark/rhe.html

 Approved Physician's List (Arthritis Foundation)
http://www.arthritis.org/Communities/Chapters/PhysList.asp?idchap=18