For most of us with fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety go hand-in-hand with pain.  Does chronic pain cause depression or does depression cause chronic pain?  I have had health care professionals explain it both ways. 

Think about it, though, some people experience horrific disease and injury and don’t get depressed, right?  And, some people’s depression is not accompanied by pain.  So it seems to me that the condition of fibromyalgia, whatever it is, causes both physical and emotional pain, and you need to treat both aspects of the condition simultaneously, in order to live well.

My search for emotional support started as soon as I moved out of my parent’s house.  In college I saw a counselor-in-training at the university’s medical center.  That didn’t last long, though, because, she started to cry when I described my pain and depression (I hope she got some help for herself, or perhaps changed professions).  In graduate school I tried again, and got some relief from a therapist at the local hospital.  I continued counseling through the Employment Assistant Program of my first employer.

At present count, I’ve seen nine therapists. Some were helpful, and some were not.  Even though all of these therapists were well-intentioned and compassionate, I never found a “talking therapist” who could eliminate my pain or depression.  Even so, my time in therapy enabled me to recognize and verbalize my feelings.  After a while, I could tell a story about the loneliness, shame, and anxiety I felt growing up in a relatively detached manner. That was important to my ability to move forward.

One of the biggest problems I had with therapists was leaving them.  Even when it was clear that a therapist wasn’t being helpful, it was very hard to end the therapy relationship.  After all, I had consciously built a sense of trust and dependency with these people.  I felt that I was insulting them by wanting to stop the sessions.

Breaking up has gotten easier over time, though, as I learned that I have to be in control of my treatment.  Now I interview therapists before I sign-on with them and I’m prepared to say “I’ve had enough” when the time comes.  I’m currently flying solo and see a therapist only when a crisis hits (lost job, divorce, and those other major life events that hit us below the belt.)

I urge you to be as deliberate and discerning in finding a therapist as you are in finding an M.D. Try to find one who has empathy but doesn’t get too involved, whose personality you’re comfortable with, and who can be an active participant in your team. 

Resources

American Psychiatric Association Physician Referral

http://www.healthyminds.org/locateapsychiatrist.cfm

APA Answer Center

American Psychiatric Association

1000 Wilson Boulevard

Suite 1825

Arlington VA 22209

1-888-35-PSYCH

apa@psych.org